When I'm tempted to despair
When I think all hope is gone
I type in 'Bridget Riley Maidenhead
And think "Hell, yeah, let's move on!"
Note: for the average lad, 'Bridget Riley's Maidenhead' can be hard to take
Note 2: this no longer works unless you add 'Serenity'. Go figure.
If can keep your head while all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you
Is it possible that you need further training
In the safe use of the office guillotine?
If you can keep your head while all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you -
Hell, take that guillotine and when kids flout you
As we all know some are inclined to do -
Cut off their heads - you know they'll hardly miss them
Not having used them much since they were small
Except to hunt down folks like you and diss them
Cut them down then, diving, take that fall
That always gets the referee's attention
While others on their team are playing foul
Which winds some players up to useful tension
So that they lose their rag, throw in the towel
And go and catch a ball from cleaner players
In games where thieving scumbags are not proud
Where skill still matters - skills in many layers
Not money, fame, good lawyers and bad crowds
*Note: if you're feeling justified, you're about to do something bad. No one justifies the good stuff.
'If' regularly makes it into the 'best of ' list yet Kipling thought it played into the hands of the 'Win! Win!' brigade and contributed to the death in battle of almost a whole generation of boys including his own son.
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