Loco Parentis - or Larkin senior thanks Phil for the lovely mother's day card

First thing in the morning we're your Mum and Dad 

You bounce into our room and we're six kinds of glad

We'll have some adventures - we'll do all the chores 

I'll show you my poems and you'll show me yours

But then I remember my feminist principles -

Still there after all these years - 

'cause see, your Dad, he is doing his best 

But he does a bit and then I do the rest 

Then while I'm still catching my breath 

I bump into some old doubts and fears -

'cause,  see, I really was doing my best -

But I did a bit and then he did the rest 

And that's when you tell us we're stupid:

How can one times zero be zero?

So then, do we stop and consider the math?

Or just insist: I'm your boss! He's your hero!

Shall we make time together

Then use it to fight?

And why does it matter 

Who's wrong and who's right?

The post is all bills 

The news is all bad 

We'd like some fun now 

But that's not to be had

See, first thing in the morning we're your Mum and Dad 

But sometimes by bedtime we're Dumb and Mad